disappointing ending

that was disappointing.

and so, the sacrilege that is rowena joy is finally over. it is depressing that for people to know how it is for girls like us, it has to be from a gay man's eyes. i remember the question the voice over asks when the trailer for the show is being played, 'will she ever find happiness and love?' that was answered tonight. for the sad truth is, not everyone has a happy ending like in fairytales. rowena joy's bestfriend could not bring himself up to love her despite what she has become, for in his narrow mind, rowena joy is still a man.

but what is the real lesson from rowena joy? even if the titular character is still a gay man by their definition, the filipino family and people depicted there is hope they can and will accept people like her, people like us, for even though the characters are from fiction, they still reflect filipino reality. and as rowena joy said so herself, 'babae ako, kaso parang ang hirap tanggapin ng iba...' (i am a woman, but other people can't accept it).

i had hoped even in this farce of a story, that she will have a happy ending with her bestfriend, unfortunately, not all of us will have our own jay or our own philip.

the dread

after days of deciding, i have finally accepted my fate: that i, possessing such brilliant intelligence and unmatched beauty, am only qualified as a call center slave slash agent. alas, i live in a country that requires a piece of paper called a diploma for even menial jobs. i can't even work as a graphic artist on talent alone, i still need that wretched piece of paper. but hey, if i were a possessor of this magical piece of paper, i would get all the jobs i want.

and so, after the decision has been made, i arranged my requirements for the dreaded job. not tg related, but i just found out my TIN has never been updated, it still is registered under my first office, which was verily strange, for i have been affiliated with 4 companies to date. hmm.

going back to the requirements, one was a medical examination. oh the dread. i always feel dread when i have to undergo this. i don't know about other girls, but i always end up affronted or insulted even. this time was no exception. the nurses were nice enough to address me in a feminine manner, however, mind you, after i put down that infamous letter to designate my sex, the courtesies dramatically changed. but before these un-pleasantries, just a funny bit: i was asked to fill up the bio date forms and after the third page, to my surprise, i almost answered a waiver allowing the clinic to test me even if i were menstruating. so i was baffled. a male nurse then saw my surprise and approached me. i asked about the form and he kindly explained to me that i need to input my menstrual cycle, to which i ashamedly replied i don't menstruate. he apologized and directed me to my seat. after that, i got called MR. and 'Sir', frustrating me. and i got so many looks from the people i was waiting with, looks i know so well. i just shrugged and waited for my examination.

i was actually dreading more the taking of the blood sample other than anything else. but then, the physical examination was too much to bear. of course, since the nurses already knew my assigned sex, i was assigned to a male doctor, to which i noticed a fishy smell... i would have felt more comfortable with a female doctor, but somehow, this clinic made sure i was with a male one. imagine my horror taking off my bra and spongebob underwear to let him see my not-so-female parts.

and like all the staff, the doctor kept on calling me 'sir' without any discretion at all. i thought he would have been more sensitive given his medical background and all. i was sadly disappointed.

i shrugged everything and when my physical exam was finished, i asked the doctor out of curiosity, what if a patient already underwent SRS(to which, the doctor had no idea) would she still be assigned to a male doctor since most clinics follow the assigned sex at birth when assigning patients? doctor fishy was unsure, so he asked a colleague. the answer to my inquiry was this, once a patient had undergone SRS, it means to say that her papers would have to be changed, and as long as said patient have documents backing up her procedure, then and only then would she be assigned to a female doctor. so even if you have undergone SRS and still 'male' on your papers, you would still be assigned to a male doctor?

such was my question.

letter

this was my original letter in reaction to the sacrilege that is rowena joy:

To the producers, writers and production staff of the upcoming show
'Rowena Joy',


Greetings!

We are The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines, and we are writing you this letter to discuss with you our reaction to the information provided on your website regarding this series, as well as our feedback to the first episode, since it portrays a Filipino transsexual woman.

First, please allow us to provide you some definition of terms, definitions which we did not invent, but are actually wholly accepted worldwide by all organizations and what we and you should also adhere to:

You graciously used the word 'transgender' to describe the eponymous character to be played by Iza Calzado. However, it seems the use of the word did not fit your usage.

In its broadest sense, transgender can mean anybody regardless of sexual orientation, whose appearance, personal characteristics and behaviors do not fit conventional definitions of “man” and “woman.” This can include anyone from feminine acting men or masculine looking women to people who use hormones and/or surgery to realign their bodies with their gender identity.

Using this definition, the eponymous character is a transgender woman; therefore, feminine pronouns should be used to refer to HER. She is not a gay man.

Regarding sexual orientation, it is again erroneous to use this as a basis for Rowena Joy's identity. If one will Google sexual orientation, in a nutshell, it is one's preferences as to choosing and being attracted to a potential mate, it is a pattern of emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to any gender. It is not, however, the basis for one's gender expression and gender identity. By gender expression, we mean that which comprises the set of external characteristics and behaviors one projects in portraying one’s gender identity which includes dress, mannerisms, speech patterns, physical characteristics, and other acts. By gender identity, it is a person's sense of being male, female or neither, which may or may not correspond to that person's body or assigned sex at birth.

We would like to stress that being transgender is not a sexual orientation nor is it a product of it; in contrast, it is your gender that defines your sexual orientation. For example, using your titular character, if she is indeed a transgender and identifies as a woman, her sexual orientation will be classified as heterosexual, she is a woman, and since the norm is that if a woman is attracted to a man, she is hetero. She will only be homosexual if she is attracted to women. However, after the first episode, it seems our hopes to have the transsexual Filipina portrayed in a different light were shot down. Iza Calzado did a superb job, she was believable at being her character: a gay man who became a woman through science, just like how you described it. She was not effective as a transsexual or transgender. We feel, the whole story was shown from a gay man’s perspective and not a transsexual one.

We understand that there is limited information regarding these definitions as to why the description of the character came to be. We offer this to be an opportunity for everyone to be enlightened, for this is one of our goals as an organization. We are striving to incorporate in the Filipino mind that being transgender doesn't have to mean you are gay or homosexual, or in colloquial terms, bakla. We want to be identified and acknowledged by our gender identity, not our assigned sex at birth, and not most importantly by what the general public denotes as to, i.e. 'sexual orientation'.

We also understand that it was a good choice to cast a talented actress such as Iza Calzado to portray a transsexual woman since most male actors fail horribly in portraying such characters, and that there is absolutely no alternative. We are just saddened that transsexuals are portrayed in a flamboyant and ridiculous manner. We daresay it is not a transsexual woman being portrayed but the amalgam of what people think a transsexual is: a gay man wanting to be or becoming a woman without even knowing or feeling as one.

We would also like to remind you, being from a very influential and powerful network, to be cautious of the use of words because these words can create confusion or certainty. We can work hand in hand to better enlighten and educate our people, to instill respect and dignity, without regard to gender or lifestyle.

We certainly hope that this letter would have done its purpose: to inform you of what we stand for and that we will be watching the series with fervor, if finally, the oppressed Filipina transsexual will be portrayed as we are.

For future opportunities and questions, we offer our services as consultants regarding the transgender experience, being the first and only advocacy, information and support group in the Philippines for transsexuals.


To you we remain,

Gia Alessandra Valeriano Nolasco

The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines
(contact info)


*~i hope we can finally send our reaction to gma so our voice can be heard. so our experience can be reclaimed.

on rowena joy

this will be the second week when the new show that features a transpinay on gma: rowena joy. here is the information provided on their website:

Para sa nakararami, walang isang rule sa pag-come out of the closet. But when a person acknowledges his sexual preference, kaya ba niyang harapin ang lahat ng pambabatikos at rejection ng mga minamahal niya sa buhay?

That's what Rowena Joy learns, in this inherent drama of embracing and accepting one's sexuality.

Truly a class all her own, Iza Calzado gives a stellar performance bilang si Rowena Joy (RJ), a transgender who faces bouts of condemnation and apprehension in terms of his sexual orientation.

Joining Iza in this riveting story of love, acceptance and forgiveness are BB Gandanghari, TJ Trinidad, John Apacible, Shamaine Centinera, Rez Cortez, Lawrence Gutierrez, Joseph Paras, Sheree, Prince Stefan, and Renz Michael Valerio; with the special participation of Paolo Ballesteros.

Despite being raised under the care of an iron-fisted father, RJ grows up gay and longs to become a woman. Pero nang makuha na niyang aminin ito sa kanyang ama, he is thrown out and banished from the family.

Pero hindi naman tuluyang mawawalan si RJ, as he finds solace sa company ng kanyang mga kaibigan. With no other way to survive on his own, RJ flies to Japan para subukan ang buhay doon. Sa kanyang pagbabalik Pilipinas, RJ undergoes a total sexual transformation—changing his name from RJ to Rowena Joy to signify the new chapter in his, now her, life.

Okay na sana ang lahat—nang muling magkrus ang landas nina Rowena Joy at ni Gino (TJ Trinidad), ang longtime best friend and secret love niya noong siya'y si RJ pa lamang. Sparks instantly fly betweent the two, and soon, Gino also falls in love with Rowena Joy.

Kaya bang aminin ni Rowena Joy kay Gino kung sino siya talaga? Will her transformation really help her be more accepted by other people, and by her self? At mas matatanggap ba siya ng pamilya niya in her new form as Rowena Joy?

Find out the answers on SRO Cinemaserye presents Rowena Joy, Thursday nights after GMA Telebabad.

*~this description had so many wrong things. here is my summary of the first episode:

hello. i hope everyone was able to watch the first episode of rowena joy on gma. if not, let me give you a summary.

rj, played by paolo ballesteros, is obviously a transgendered character, understandable as still thinking he is a gay man since he isn't aware of the condition, hides his 'sexuality' or better gender from his bestfriend and parents. however, his father, portrayed effectively by rez cortez, discovers his stash of gay magazines and beats the hell out of him and throws him out of the house. notice, how i am using masculine pronouns because at this time, we are under the impression that rj is a gay man.

rj is then taken in by bb and joey paras. poor bb, having to play an unenlightened gay man. she even had to act like a boxer in one scene. to think she would have given some input on how the character should be played. rj is now given an opportunity to live his life.

next we see, seven years later, rj is back from japan(how typical) and lo and behold, rj is now rowena joy, a post op transsexual woman. they have tried their best to call her as such, a woman, however, the rampant 'bakla' is still thrown casually to her.

then, she meets her bestfriend again, who, is obviously attracted to her. this is where the conflict begins.

and so, what do we think about this? well, if they wanted to portray a gay man's love story and painful past, they were successful. if they wanted to portray how gay men who were able to go to japan and have operations done and go back here, they were effective. but portraying a transgender character, they failed horribly. as karla mae put it, the story was taken from a gay man's perspective. i feel, it was not partly the writer and director's fault, for they might be unaware of OUR condition. they might still think that what transgenders experience is what gay men experience. they might be correct. but couldn't they have done some research? was it too hard to try to check how this portrayal would affect transgenders and transsexuals in the country?

but well, the general public is unaware of our plight. certainly the transsexuals who did come from japan and back are still in the impression they are gay men. but not all of them, why, seanel did the japan thing, and she identifies herself as a transpinay.

i feel, the series totally negated any transsexual experience. its as if we were totally erased out of the picture. and it saddens me that this will be one of the ideas the general public will have when they see us.

so what should we do now? we fight. we will.

*~we will take an initiative to enlighten gma, the writers, the directors, everyone. let's see.

of lying

yes, like kris aquino, i am sorry, i lied. not to tita cory though. i lied to everyone i spoke to and said that i am happy and hopeful. well, not entirely lying. i am somewhat happy, that i get to talk to him again, even if i have to make so much effort in reaching out to him. i am hopeful, that he will someday realize that he loves me as much as i do him.

i lied, when i said i would be ok with him not acknowledging and reciprocating my feelings for him. that i would be ok if he just wants to be friends. that i would be willing to wait.

i lied.

but not entirely.

i'm just saying, of course, i would want something more with him than friendship. of course i would want him to be my boyfriend.

i am willing to wait. but how long?

this is my fear: that there will be nothing of me after i'm 25. that's several months from now. i have this unnerving feeling that my life will just stop at that age, whether naturally or on my own terms. i feel, my depression will get the best of me.

so, if ever i would cease to exist, i would want to be happy at least.




*~ incidentally, while trying to write this, i suddenly got inspired again. hope really does spring eternal. i say, so what if he likes another girl? that only means i have to make him realize i'm the one for him more. he will like other girls, yes, but he will eventually choose me. and of course, i'm not the only one around, BUT i am the only one for him. he has to realize this.


to you, the one i adore, watch out. there's a storm coming.