remembering friendster

as i was checking my email for some important messages, i accidentally clicked on show oldest messages, and lo and behold, this was what i saw:



imagine how my day went after that. sigh.

a reaction

after a misjudgment, i made it a point to send an official apology to my egroup for causing some negative vibes in the group. here is my letter:

to my soulmates, sisters and brother,

firstly, i would like to apologize for my misjudgment in posting here the links where obviously ignorant people have been commenting negatively about our vice chairwoman and member rica paras. i did so at the time because i was hurt that people were reacting negatively to a person i consider a sister, who is just being herself, on national television. i felt, by posting the links and letting you read what these ignorant haters posted, you would share my hurt feelings and tell me that everything would be better. again i apologize.

this egroup was formed essentially so that strap members can have an outlet for their discussions and stories, their experiences and of course, so that we can tell each other of relevant issues that concerns our shared experience.

rica's experiences inside the pbb house is a relevant issue for us girls because she is now representing our ideals and our goals, and of course, because rica is firstly our friend and sister. however, there are other relevant issues that we also need to discuss, for example, there is the upcoming pride march. these issues will be discussed in the upcoming SGM this saturday, oct 17. and our secretary will take care of publishing here on the egroup the minutes of our meeting so that our online members will be able to read about them.

i know everyone is talking about rica and we can't help ourselves as well. but let us not dwell in negative vibes. we should celebrate that our very own rica is now well on her way to celebrity. i personally feel that we do not need to answer each and every negative comment, however, if you as an individual member and friend to rica feels that you should answer the comments you have read about, then feel free to do so. what i can do on my own is write about rica on my blog. and i personally believe rica will make sure she expalins things while on national television, just wait and see.

now, let me share my thoughts about some of the concerns raised. correct me if i'm wrong, but i believe STRAP was formed because there was a lack of representation of transgenders and also a means of sharing information as well in the local lgbt community. sass, vee and dee wanted to have an organization that took care of the needs of transgirls.

i really don't know what strap is all about and why it was formed, but let me share what strap is for me. i joined strap because i wanted to know more about who i truly am, what i am, and what i could be. strap gave me just that. strap gave me my identity. because of strap, i knew i was a woman, regardless of my assigned sex at birth, and i felt whole. my first moments with strap was my rebirth. this is one of the things i am most thankful for all because of strap. and strap has been an extended family of sorts for me. i also remember my first time marching and representing transpinays in the pride march.

so, what can strap do to address these unknown issues? what are our issues to begin with? i know we will discuss it in the SGM and we will post them here. how will we address them? i know we don't have to list what strap has done, but never you worry miss cam, though we won't stage any protests or anything, but if we need to speak to anyone we will. i really don't know how things are done in the states, but i'm proud to say strap has its own way of dealing with issues like this. we will take care of it with elegance, grace and finesse, for we are beautiful, intelligent empowered women, just like rica.

and so, i'm urging these 70+ members miss cam has counted to stand up and attend the sgm. so that we can talk about what we can do for transpinays. your mere attendance means so much. since we are moving forward to a more formal organization, let's make sure we do everything we can to make it happen. it's like this, what we do for strap, we are also doing for ourselves and the next generation. let us think about the future transpinays, let us make sure they will be more informed, and more represented. let us reclaim our identity.

be inspired, be involved. be TRANSPINAY.

hoping to inspire and be inspired,

, membership coordinator

*~ i only hope that i am able to stop these vibes.

in other news, the new and rebooted strap website is now up and running! view it yourself:

STRAP

and lastly, i hope you're supporting ate rica on pbb!!! go go go rica paras! make us proud!

Rica Paras, the housemate

yup, that picture is evidence that i, the infamous tg-girl, does know the future celebrity and face of transgender in the philippines, RICA PARAS. lol. no, this is not a shameless attempt to ride on a friend's new found celebrity. well, maybe it is. haha.

actually, i am writing this so that once the masses, the intelligent masses i mean, those who have the privilege of searching online in their offices or homes, start typing that name that will be synonymous to educated, empowered, and inspiring transpinay: rica paras, in that search bar, this article will somehow show up. *crossing fingers*

this is my attempt to tell you about a very good friend of mine (honestly) and a very inspiring, empowered and brilliant woman i know. this is for you ate rica.

before i met rica paras, i first read about her in one of the issues of ICON magazine that showcased filipina transsexuals, then still unknown by transpinay, and one of them was this girl named rica paras. this article, of course, was written by none other than that sassy girl. this article was my first preview of that wonderful person and lovable girl. from it i read her story, as she has also told us. she strove ever so hard to become what she is today, from her humble roots, she chose to show that despite some 'imperfections' if you will, she can let her incredible credentials speak for her. she is truly one of the transpinays that can show anyone what a transpinay can do if she set her mind to it. and what we are capable of. and when i finally met her, i was blown away. i knew i had a new sister in her. and everytime we saw each other, she always had that embrace and smile for me, just like a big sister. and she was to me, as all my strap sisters. and i have to admit, i always attended sgm's so i could see her again, and be inspired because of her achievements, to show and tell myself that i too can be like her.

but one of the things about ate rica that inspired me a lot is that, she, being transgendered like me, is loved by none other than a filipino boyfriend. i know i shouldn't put that much stock in filipino boyfriends and prize them as such, but ate naomi, you have to understand, i want someone whose face is mine, whose heart is mine, whose culture is mine. i want a partner i can speak to at the end of the day in my own language, and tell him 'mahal na mahal kita, mahal na mahal.' in pure tagalog. that's all. and so, with ate rica, having a filipino boyfriend, it gives me so much hope that i may find my own jay. that despite being transgendered AND filipino, i am too entitled to a happy ending, just like her.

with her entering big brother's house and well, pinoy media, i feel we have taken one big step. i believe that she will be our face, our voice and our flag bearer. ate rica is an intelligent and brilliant woman, and i know she will change the filipino view of what a transpinay is: that we are not gay men who feel they are trapped in the wrong body, that they want to become women; rather, we ARE women. we are women and ate rica will help us reclaim this identity.

with her own words, we just need to show a little more RESPECT.

to the world this i shout: SUPPORT RICA PARAS!!! brava!!!

to read about the official strap statement regarding this, please click here

and to visit strap's website, either click on the strap logo, or this


be inspired. be involved. i am transpinay and damn hell proud of it!

disappointing ending

that was disappointing.

and so, the sacrilege that is rowena joy is finally over. it is depressing that for people to know how it is for girls like us, it has to be from a gay man's eyes. i remember the question the voice over asks when the trailer for the show is being played, 'will she ever find happiness and love?' that was answered tonight. for the sad truth is, not everyone has a happy ending like in fairytales. rowena joy's bestfriend could not bring himself up to love her despite what she has become, for in his narrow mind, rowena joy is still a man.

but what is the real lesson from rowena joy? even if the titular character is still a gay man by their definition, the filipino family and people depicted there is hope they can and will accept people like her, people like us, for even though the characters are from fiction, they still reflect filipino reality. and as rowena joy said so herself, 'babae ako, kaso parang ang hirap tanggapin ng iba...' (i am a woman, but other people can't accept it).

i had hoped even in this farce of a story, that she will have a happy ending with her bestfriend, unfortunately, not all of us will have our own jay or our own philip.

the dread

after days of deciding, i have finally accepted my fate: that i, possessing such brilliant intelligence and unmatched beauty, am only qualified as a call center slave slash agent. alas, i live in a country that requires a piece of paper called a diploma for even menial jobs. i can't even work as a graphic artist on talent alone, i still need that wretched piece of paper. but hey, if i were a possessor of this magical piece of paper, i would get all the jobs i want.

and so, after the decision has been made, i arranged my requirements for the dreaded job. not tg related, but i just found out my TIN has never been updated, it still is registered under my first office, which was verily strange, for i have been affiliated with 4 companies to date. hmm.

going back to the requirements, one was a medical examination. oh the dread. i always feel dread when i have to undergo this. i don't know about other girls, but i always end up affronted or insulted even. this time was no exception. the nurses were nice enough to address me in a feminine manner, however, mind you, after i put down that infamous letter to designate my sex, the courtesies dramatically changed. but before these un-pleasantries, just a funny bit: i was asked to fill up the bio date forms and after the third page, to my surprise, i almost answered a waiver allowing the clinic to test me even if i were menstruating. so i was baffled. a male nurse then saw my surprise and approached me. i asked about the form and he kindly explained to me that i need to input my menstrual cycle, to which i ashamedly replied i don't menstruate. he apologized and directed me to my seat. after that, i got called MR. and 'Sir', frustrating me. and i got so many looks from the people i was waiting with, looks i know so well. i just shrugged and waited for my examination.

i was actually dreading more the taking of the blood sample other than anything else. but then, the physical examination was too much to bear. of course, since the nurses already knew my assigned sex, i was assigned to a male doctor, to which i noticed a fishy smell... i would have felt more comfortable with a female doctor, but somehow, this clinic made sure i was with a male one. imagine my horror taking off my bra and spongebob underwear to let him see my not-so-female parts.

and like all the staff, the doctor kept on calling me 'sir' without any discretion at all. i thought he would have been more sensitive given his medical background and all. i was sadly disappointed.

i shrugged everything and when my physical exam was finished, i asked the doctor out of curiosity, what if a patient already underwent SRS(to which, the doctor had no idea) would she still be assigned to a male doctor since most clinics follow the assigned sex at birth when assigning patients? doctor fishy was unsure, so he asked a colleague. the answer to my inquiry was this, once a patient had undergone SRS, it means to say that her papers would have to be changed, and as long as said patient have documents backing up her procedure, then and only then would she be assigned to a female doctor. so even if you have undergone SRS and still 'male' on your papers, you would still be assigned to a male doctor?

such was my question.