so tired.

sometimes, people just get tired. physically, emotionally, psychologically... the worst thing is that the first one is the easiest to get over. one just needs to rest, after some time, the body repairs whatever cell that got damaged, one's muscles get rejuvenated... blah blah blah... but when one gets emotionally tired? and psychologically tired? it can make a person crazy.

and alas, it seems i, i of such brilliant sparkling intellect, i of such unbelievable beauty, i of everything else, is tired. and not physically.

i feel like a sponge that absorbed too much water, and this water is all the negative things in my life that became magnified to an exponential magnitude. and no, it's not the hormones. it's too early.

i just feel so tired of everything, you know? i feel so tired of living. i feel so tired of being me.

i wish, there was a way of being not myself even for just one day. perhaps by then i could find that thing that has eluded me so: love. and maybe happiness.

and i'm afraid. afraid that one day, this exhaustion will finally be the end of me. i know suicidal people don't really kill themselves when they tell people they will, but well, i could always break the statistic.

i just feel that this tiredness i am feeling won't just go away by sleeping my fears and my sadness away.

i just want to rest. so badly.

maybe rest forever.

stay tuned.