another epiphany

and so, yeah, i'm in singapura yet again, and not for the reasons one my think of.

no, i'm not here for a vacation. no, i'm not here for work. one might even hazard a guess that i'm here because my parental units and my elder sibling is here and i have an infant nephew that needs supervision... my nephew that may or may not have short-term memory loss due to his temporal lobe not functioning properly, or whatever drew barrymore's character in 50 first dates has... why? it's because every friggin' morning he always cries when he sees me, and i have to wait until the afternoon for him to come around and realize i am the same person who took care of him when he was just several months old!

but no. i am here because of my forced exile. i need to find myself.

i have given this post the title, 'another epiphany' for this reason: i was out with a good friend of mine and his friends tonight, and everything was fun and all, until i focused my attention to my friend's friend's breasts. yep, i had an epiphany because of breasts. she had these ginormous mounds, well, they weren't that big, but for her body size? they were effin' HUGE.

and so, i go to thinking, how will i ever reach my current goal? read: get boobies. how will i get my implants? i have been told they cost about 50 kiyaw in thailand... and i was so optimistic that once i get here, i'll be able to save up so whe i go back to my beloved pearl of the orient, viola! tg-girl grew some boobies!!!

but how exactly did i plan on getting them? i had dreamed that i would be able to be a graphic designer here, not a real one, but one that could design at home. a friend's friend told me that if i can send him my designs and perhaps a flash animation, he may be able to help me find a client. if i had clients i could have saved up for my goal.

but no. i recently discovered this ugly attitude that i have. i'm too lazy and i give up too easily. i want to be spoon fed and i don't want to be stuck in a difficult position.

take the kgb position my sister referred me to. answering texts from home. what could be easier? but no, i had so many complaints about it. but the more i think about it, the easier it seems. i may need to think this over once more. and besides, if i do pass that certification, i will have something to while at home and earn some moolah.

and what about odesk? why am i so troubled with it? i find it so difficult. you have to keep on bidding and presenting your portfolio. maybe i just don't have the patience.

and so, this is my promise: i will be more patient. i will keep on trying. later, when i wake up, i will no longer be lazy. i will continue the kgb certification. i will keep on bidding projects on odesk.

i will exercise. i have to lose some weight.

so there.

that i would be good

"That I Would Be Good"

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you

~ di ko na ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko sa mga taong hindi ako gusto. i'm seeting you free.

a not-so-review of TRESE: MASS MURDERS

a disclaimer:

i am about to write about the new trese book, so if you don't live under a rock and had had the decency to read this AWESOME book, be warned of spoilers.

you have been warned.



and finally i was able to read this book i have oh-so-long-awaited. no thanks to my pangit cousin who lied his ass off! he told me he'll get me a copy for christmas, and yet, christmas passed and where was my trese?

anyways, i just can't believe it! i hate to go all fan-girl here, but my mind was indeed blown away! i had thought the 5 next chapters would be separate cases just like in the first two books, but no! they were actually a long story cut into parts! though there was a bit of a time difference between the 12th and 13th stories... anyhow...

how psyched i was to finally learn what kind of character anton trese was! and how he did business. i was a bit confused... if alexandra was 18 when anton died, how old was anton, even having 4 older sons...?

and the kambal! i think i have a fan-girl crush! i am drawn to the smiling kambal(drawn? to a comic book character? how pun-ny!) because of his attitude, and well, his smile... but the frowning kambal is just as mysterious... i always wondered what kind of half-breeds they were, like, what half of what. and how come they grew into manhood just in a span of a few years... i mean, the kambal must have been born a few years back in the first story, when alexandra was 15... and on her 18th birthday they're already teenagers? then on the current timeline, they are already men! is it because of their demigod genes? i super love the kambal in their teens!!! so lanky...

and i never knew there were 4 tribes of aswang, i mean, i only knew aswang as the meat-eating, blood-drinking monster-people very much filipino in essence. but 4 tribes? ok, the manananggal could be a type of aswang, but what about the two other ones portrayed in the book? there was an insect-like one, so does that mean oriol the enchantress is an aswang? here father was called 'asuang'... and what about those pig-men? tikbalang pigs? my ate said they were baboy-ramo, but these are wild boar, not boar monsters.

i do feel a bit sad that i only got to read about the segben pack which is anton's bodyguards/henchmen. oh well, i am happy with the kambal though. especially the smiling one. hee-hee!

i was excited that there were deities in the book. after reading i tried searching for 'talagbusao' and 'darago and darranga', but wikipedia gave me no answers... but it is still so cool to see alexandra fight and outwit deities! so that means these deities are not omniscient... hmm....

and all of alexandra's allies fighting for her? that was so cool! i like ammie and hannah so much, so ditzy and air-head-ish... haha. they are from the tribe of wind you know. and finally, kapres have been featured! though not as the creature du jour, but i did finally see these giants in the trese universe.

and now we finally have alexandra... i must say i like the long haired, side swept bang-ed alexandra. it works for her. makes her seem a bit more mysterious. and i wish we could have read more about her test! but how old is trese anyway?

all in all, this book was worth every centavo. i certainly feel much better reading it after all the waiting. but doesn't that mean the trese series is over? i did read that there would only be 13 stories... though the author said it might not yet be the end.

if you are still clueless as to what i have been blabbing about, try going here: trese and might as well get a more colorful imagination.

careful where you tread...

a strappy christmas

happy christmas!

grow up

this will be the first of my 'grow up' series...

i just kind of felt like writing after all this time.

'grow up.' that was what my dear ate joy told me when i was being a bit immature.

and somehow, it struck me.

i, of twenty four years of age, living as a woman, still have not yet grown up.

or grown up in the sense of being an adult.

or how an adult is commonly perceived as.

i haven't graduated, i don't have a job right now, much less a career, i still live at home with my parents, and worse, my sisters currently support me.

i still play pc games, watch cartoons and eat chocolates.

grow up.

why is that concept so strange to me.

somehow, i never saw myself growing up and being an adult. i mean, i want to be independent and grow up, stand on my own, but i don't know. it just never happened. and now my life is more stuck to my parents and sisters than before.

and now i can't see myself growing up.

what is growing up anyway?

making decisions on your own.

having a degree.

having a career.

being able to pay the bills.

having a relationship?

and here i go rambling.

don't get me wrong, i do want to grow up.

i just don't know how.