Saturday, May 30, 2009

the experience and my family

being stuck babysitting does have its benefits. what, you may ask? aside from the bond that is created between my infant nephew and me, i have the time to write. har har.

anyways, i decided to write about some funny memories and moments i have with my family with regards to 'the experience'. (i am coining 'the experience' as a cool term to describe bein transgendered. hah!) i'll be collecting these moments when my family talks about the experience. hope you find them enjoyable.

just today, earlier:

my ate: so ano, mas gusto mo ba itawag sayo 'tita gia' instead of 'tito digs'?

my answer: (amused) it doesn't matter.

*~well, i know my transpinay sisters would disagree. it does matter to have my family recognize my condition and the experience. but hear me out. i know and believe that even if my whole family accept that i am truly a woman, there will always be a part in their mind that i am their son, brother, and tito. i have accepted that. i don't know. what's important is i know they love me, whether i am different or not.

a few days ago, my ate made kwento about a coworker she had...

my ate: meron nga sa office, trans...

moi: trans?...

my ate: trans... transvestite. pero girl na sya.

moi: so SHE's a transsexual, not a transvestite.

my ate: huh? what's the difference?

moi: a transvestite is a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing which maybe for personal satisfaction or sexual gratification. a transsexual is a person who identifies as the opposite of the sex that was assigned to him/her at birth.

my ate: e ano transgendered?

moi: it's the umbrella term. i know i am trangendered and a transsexual, pero not all people can be transsexual and transgendered at the same time. parang transgendered is the experience.

my ate: e ano naman ang tranny?

moi: for me, it's a derogatory word, it's like the word negro, if you use it when referring to blacks, they might get insulted, ganun din with trans, it's like, we can use it within ourselves but if you call us that medyo nakakaoffend...

my ate: i don't get it.

moi: yeah, like the filipino population.

*~i know i'm a bit shaky on the terminologies but i hope i did the experience justice. and i know my ate got it. she keeps on askin me about the experience, mind you.

about a few years ago, my then 8 year old nephew asked me...

my pamangkin: tito, girl ka ba o boy?

moi: (shocked and amused) ah... shempre kaya mo nga ako tinatawag na tito e...

my pamangkin: ah...

*~ i know my nephew had more questions and i just answered so that i can deflect it. haha, i know i should have answered him then and there, but hey, this is my nephew, the child of my ate, who know what she will do to me for introducing such concepts to him. besides, it doesn't matter to me what they call me, as long as in my heart, i love them and they love me. but eventually, i might need to change their perception. but not now, not now... yet.

this was so many years ago, there was an episode of some local show that featured a post op transsexual:

my mom: anak o, tignan mo sya(referring to the trans character) lalaki sya dati!

moi: (thinking why does she tell me this) ah ok...

my mom: ang galing noh?

*~i love my mommy. even if she really can't accept the fact that i wear panties and bras, she still washes and puts them in my cabinet.

and one last, but there will be lots to follow... my other ate called us up to update us on her baby's condition. i tactlessly told her it was her fault her baby has that condition, she being a match to her husband's carrier gene, thus producing the outcome in their child...

my other ate: edi ibig sabihin fault din ni ma kung bakit ka ganyan?

my ate: (laughing)

moi: hindi, di ba sabi mo it's a choice? sa letter mo sabi mo choice ko kung bakit ako ganito.

*~my stand is that everything is biological, chemical that is. we are the way we are because of the chemical composition in our bodies. but i'm not saying i am like this becuase of my parents.

oh well. i'll collect more of these conversations so i can post them here. cheerio!

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