of lesbians and transboys

this is an article for a very good friend of mine. here's to you miles.

one thing i have noticed here in singapore is there seems to be more lesbians or transboys than gay men or transgirls. i have seen a handful of gay men, about two transgirls, and everyday one or two lesbians and what i suppose are transboys.

i did not mean this article to be GG with pau's recent post; i have just let this article fester and rot in my innards. gross. pau's post is about transboys. i also commented on that post. thanks btw pau for my very first comment. in it i mentioned that i feel there are cases of transboys in the philippines, they are just not aware they are of the experience, for in our socially inept and backward culture, there is no such thing as being transgendered. these girls, err boys, are brought up believing they are innately female, they just happened to like girls, which, they think makes them lesbians. they can be lesbians of course, if their gender identity is female, which would mean they identify as girls and yet prefer girls as well. but this is my argument, how come these supposed lesbians bind their breasts, cut really short and style their hair, walk as if they had suspended witnesses between their legs, wear baggy and one size bigger clothes... the lists goes on, but whether subconsciously or not, they ultimately do these things for one thing: to look male. or not female. why do they try so hard to hide if not erase any visible sign they are female? isn't being a lesbian about being a woman that likes women?

i feel i can relate to what these supposed lesbians are experiencing. however, in my part, i live as a woman, ergo the choices i make, to look, act, sound, and be a woman. that is what i am. i have embraced that. so why can't they?

my friend miles is a bit ambiguous about her/his gender identity. of course, i can't force my beliefs to her/him, however, what she/he sometimes tells me confuses me. for example, we once had a conversation about SRS's, i had enlightened her/him about the procedure, because she/he was actually asking me that once i have it cut off, give it to her/him. so i explained the procedure as i understood it. she/he was of course grossed out, and yet, enlightened. so i joked about her/him being transgendered like me. why want a penis if you identify as a woman, right? she/he said she didn't know. miles doesn't even wear a bra most of the time. i never really thought of her/him as boobsie, because at the back of my mind, she/he is a boy. i seriously believe miles maybe a transboy.

i have another colleague that identifies herself/himself as a lesbian. and yet, she/he herself said she/he never really thought of herself/himself as a girl. she/he then contradicts this by saying she didn't want to be a boy. weird. she/he then describes her/his childhood, giving an ancedote that when she/he was little, her/his father joked about giving her/him a horse's penis so that she/he would truly be a boy. and she/he wanted this at her/his young age, for she/he thought, she/he wanted something her/him brothers had. her/his demeanor is also like a man's. the way she/he takes charge, her/his likes and dislikes.

i wish there was a way these supposed lesbians would know they are actually of the experience. they might be happy just being the way they are, but i still want them to realize what's what, so that they would know how it feels like. i wish transboys had a STRAP of their own.

one more thing i wanted to say about lesbians and transboys is that, it is very cruel and unfair that they can find people that will love them for them, and girls like me, even some gay men, cannot and do not. and don't get me started on their acceptance by the general public. i just envy lesbians and transboys, for girls they woo and court willingly accept them. i am jealous of the love they share. i am also happy, that there is love like that in the world. i can't say it gives me hope, but at least there are less people that are unhappy, for they have found what we, mortals and the like, truly need and die for, LOVE.

love. i hope one day i would find what i am looking for.

is he straight?

don't you just get tired of people asking you stupid questions? i mean, of course they don't know they're asking a stupid insensitive question, but hey, what can we do about it? they don't know about the experience. and here i go explaining to them what's what. what exactly am i ranting about? here...

you see, no, you don't see, because i have not wrote about it so you wouldn't know, but anyways, i am for the lack of a better term, seeing someone. and bite your tongue if you're going to ask, is he straight?

OF COURSE HE IS. i don't get it. i have had a couple, no, a few people ask me this after i tell them about him. as far as i can remember, i never saw anything in him that would tell me he's gay. and besides, i don't go for gay guys, i have had a crush on one or three, but i know how to pick them, and the person i'm seeing, i know is straight.

i feel, these people, my friends, my good friends, don't know how much that question means if you ask a person with my experience. i actually felt insulted. it's like, you acknowledge that i'm a girl, you accept my idealogy and think of me as a girl, and yet, when a guy likes me, you still think of me as a boy and feel that the person who likes me is gay, because he is attracted to me. that's just wrong.

like how i discussed this with a very good friend of mine, who, by whatever reason unknown to me, took up nursing, so she should have had a better understanding about the experience, but well, i was a bit disappointed. basically, what i told her was, well, it's a bit complicated, but simple in a way as well.

we are dealing with preference and sexual orientation here. being gay is more of one's sexual orientation, about one's preference in mates. in my explanation to her, a guy, a girl, a trans-girl or a trans-boy can be gay, in the sense that they like a person of the same sexual orientation or preference as they have. a girl is gay if she is into and is attracted to another girl, a trans-girl is also gay in this line of thought if she is into or is attracted to another girl or trans-girl. a guy is gay if he likes another guy, a trans-boy can be gay if he likes another boy or a trans-boy as well. so anybody can be gay, as long as they are attracted to a person who shares the same sexual orientation as they have. but in light of argument, how can a gay person be attracted to a straight person? or a girl be attracted to a gay guy?

now it has something to do with how a person identifies. a girl, a straight girl can be attracted to a gay guy because said gay guy though has a preference for guys, because despite this preference, he still identifies as male, and since he identifies as male, the girl can be attracted to him. this is also why a gay guy's crush for a straight guy would be deemed ok, because the straight guy is still a guy, which the gay guy likes.

so, given these explanations, why would a gay guy be attracted to a trans-girl? i'm not saying that's impossible. let me rephrase my question, why would a guy be not straight if he's attracted to a trans-girl? using my explanation, it would be perfectly normal if a straight guy would be attracted to a trans-girl, because even if both were assigned male at birth, one is a boy and the other is a girl. as i have proven, this question was asked because my friends still considered me as a boy, and with how they think, that if a boy likes another boy, whether the boy is actually trans-girl or not, the boy would be gay. and that's a bit hurtful.

i personally think that a straight guy can be attracted to a trans-girl without him needing or becoming gay. i am a girl, so a guy can be attracted to me. i really don't get why i have to get this question. maybe because it is hard to understand such concepts. and that is why we are here. and by we, i mean girls who have the experience. we are here to educate and enlighten people. we can get mad and offended, but remember, they do not know. that's why we have to tell them. explain to them. teach them.

my friend and i ended our conversation with her apologising. and of course, i accepted it. and i am pleased that i was able to explain to her.

but what about the possibility that a gay guy does get attracted to a trans-girl? i told her, then that gay guy must be bisexual. or confused.

and as i realized from our conversation as i am finding out now, no matter how hard i explain, it just boils down to who we are at the end of the day. or how we identify at the end of the day.

so, the guy who likes me isn't gay. he's straight. he is.

a repost

thanks much pau! love the message as well. and i am assuming it's ok as well with our very own sassy girl. i'm thinking about some more stuff i can write about, issues we know and experience, it being the experience.



on another note, happiest birthday ate nins! i'm sure all of here at STRAP wish you more blessings and we hope we could experience your presence so we could let you feel how it is to belong. love you! love you all transpinays!



to miss cameron, i love your inquiry! haha. gossip makes our little lives a bit more intriguing. here's what i know. hayden has been vicki belo's boyfriend for a few years now, they claim to be in love but well, he is about her daughter's age, and she is about his mother's. the daughter is against the relationship too. before all this scandal and senate inquiries and sex videos, vicki broke up with hayden after discovering the affair with katrina halili. hayden even commited suicide to try and win her back. however, as a doctor who is close to both belo and hayden said, jayden is a doctor, he would know how to kill himslef if he truly wished to do so. there, just a few things that would give you an idea. lol.



and why all the fuss about him creating his sex videos anyway? these psychologists are quick to pronounce him a pervert or crazy even. i know it's some sort of perversion and he might not be all ok in the head, but for me, it's sort of a man thing, he wanted to have proof of his conquests, however perverted they are. but we are talking about women here, which is supposed to be the normal behavior, right? it's not as if he had sex with corpses, animals or children. i remember this psychologist saying, what he has is sexual voyeaurism, which in her words is like being turned on with something not considered normal. by using that definition, gay people would be sexual voyeurs, then, for they like and are turned on with the same sex, which is not normal for those ignorant people. i just feel this is being too hyped about. i'm not saying we should pity hayden, but hey, this is starting to feel annoying. maybe revilla is just using this media circus as a ploy for higher office. just a thought, i'm sure i'm wrong.



p.s. if you have the time please read my blog and tell me what you think:

http://themisadventuresoftg-girl.blogspot.com/


*~obviously, as i have indicated on the title, this is a repost. this was my reply to some comments on the yahoogroup. miss cameron also asked about the scandal that is terrorizing the country as of the moment. and i can't believe i'm also commenting on it! hah! well, i'm so GG, which means gaya-gaya.


and wow! i have a follower! nice to meet you aiyah! thanks for taking the time to read. peace

the experience and my family

being stuck babysitting does have its benefits. what, you may ask? aside from the bond that is created between my infant nephew and me, i have the time to write. har har.

anyways, i decided to write about some funny memories and moments i have with my family with regards to 'the experience'. (i am coining 'the experience' as a cool term to describe bein transgendered. hah!) i'll be collecting these moments when my family talks about the experience. hope you find them enjoyable.

just today, earlier:

my ate: so ano, mas gusto mo ba itawag sayo 'tita gia' instead of 'tito digs'?

my answer: (amused) it doesn't matter.

*~well, i know my transpinay sisters would disagree. it does matter to have my family recognize my condition and the experience. but hear me out. i know and believe that even if my whole family accept that i am truly a woman, there will always be a part in their mind that i am their son, brother, and tito. i have accepted that. i don't know. what's important is i know they love me, whether i am different or not.

a few days ago, my ate made kwento about a coworker she had...

my ate: meron nga sa office, trans...

moi: trans?...

my ate: trans... transvestite. pero girl na sya.

moi: so SHE's a transsexual, not a transvestite.

my ate: huh? what's the difference?

moi: a transvestite is a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing which maybe for personal satisfaction or sexual gratification. a transsexual is a person who identifies as the opposite of the sex that was assigned to him/her at birth.

my ate: e ano transgendered?

moi: it's the umbrella term. i know i am trangendered and a transsexual, pero not all people can be transsexual and transgendered at the same time. parang transgendered is the experience.

my ate: e ano naman ang tranny?

moi: for me, it's a derogatory word, it's like the word negro, if you use it when referring to blacks, they might get insulted, ganun din with trans, it's like, we can use it within ourselves but if you call us that medyo nakakaoffend...

my ate: i don't get it.

moi: yeah, like the filipino population.

*~i know i'm a bit shaky on the terminologies but i hope i did the experience justice. and i know my ate got it. she keeps on askin me about the experience, mind you.

about a few years ago, my then 8 year old nephew asked me...

my pamangkin: tito, girl ka ba o boy?

moi: (shocked and amused) ah... shempre kaya mo nga ako tinatawag na tito e...

my pamangkin: ah...

*~ i know my nephew had more questions and i just answered so that i can deflect it. haha, i know i should have answered him then and there, but hey, this is my nephew, the child of my ate, who know what she will do to me for introducing such concepts to him. besides, it doesn't matter to me what they call me, as long as in my heart, i love them and they love me. but eventually, i might need to change their perception. but not now, not now... yet.

this was so many years ago, there was an episode of some local show that featured a post op transsexual:

my mom: anak o, tignan mo sya(referring to the trans character) lalaki sya dati!

moi: (thinking why does she tell me this) ah ok...

my mom: ang galing noh?

*~i love my mommy. even if she really can't accept the fact that i wear panties and bras, she still washes and puts them in my cabinet.

and one last, but there will be lots to follow... my other ate called us up to update us on her baby's condition. i tactlessly told her it was her fault her baby has that condition, she being a match to her husband's carrier gene, thus producing the outcome in their child...

my other ate: edi ibig sabihin fault din ni ma kung bakit ka ganyan?

my ate: (laughing)

moi: hindi, di ba sabi mo it's a choice? sa letter mo sabi mo choice ko kung bakit ako ganito.

*~my stand is that everything is biological, chemical that is. we are the way we are because of the chemical composition in our bodies. but i'm not saying i am like this becuase of my parents.

oh well. i'll collect more of these conversations so i can post them here. cheerio!

TRANSPINAY

“Words,” as George Bernard Shaw said, “are only postage stamps delivering the object for you to unwrap.” There are words that lead us to better understand a concept, a phenomenon, an experience, a person. Some promote either clarity or confusion. Others have offensive connotations; their negligent use unwittingly supports disrespect or disregard of someone’s deep-seated truths…

The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) is standing up not with pride but with courage to name an identity for ourselves. An identity that closely, if not fully and ultimately, describes the unique expression of human diversity our lives embody. An identity that rings politeness. An identity that would initiate an enlightening public conversation and awareness about our realities. An identity that we hope can forge a sense of community among Filipinas who were assigned as male at birth. An identity with dignity. This identity is TRANSPINAY.

A combination of the words transsexual and Pinay, TRANSPINAY means a female human being of Philippine descent who was given a male sex assignment at birth. This was proposed during one of our support group meetings and was voted upon by our membership. Other proposed terms were transbabae and transfilipina.

As compared to local terms such as bakla and bayot, transpinay doesn’t include homosexual males. Transpinay isn’t about sexual orientation nor preference. A transpinay can be sexually/romantically attracted to other females (in that she is a lesbian), to males (in that she is straight), to both males and females (in that she is a bisexual), or to none at all (in that she is asexual).

As compared to the nascent term ladyboy, transpinay doesn’t maliciously or unwittingly call a girl/woman of transsexual experience a “boy/man”. Calling a transpinay a ladyboy is no different from simply calling her a “boy/man”, an offensive act.

A transpinay is not a homosexual/gay man nor a boy/man who is ladylike. A transpinay is not a crossdresser - she is not a boy/man who just likes to dress. A transpinay is not a variation of male but a variation of female. A transpinay may be pre-op (have not yet have sex reassignment surgery but desires to undergo it), post-op (have already had sex reassignment surgery), or non-op (does not desire to have sex reassignment surgery). All the same, no matter what their genital surgery status is, they are all females. A transpinay is not a boy/man wanting to be a “real” girl/woman - she is already one.

We acknowledge that TRANSPINAY, just like any other word, cannot adequately stand-in for what we actually are. Nonetheless, TRANSPINAY symbolizes our right to define our gender identity: A movement to reclaim that right from other cultural forces.

Our deepest gratitude,
The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP)


*~obviously, this is a repost. i felt this blog should have this, its owner being a part of what sass aptly describes as the experience. i am a transpinay and proud of it.