Sunday, May 31, 2009

a repost

thanks much pau! love the message as well. and i am assuming it's ok as well with our very own sassy girl. i'm thinking about some more stuff i can write about, issues we know and experience, it being the experience.

on another note, happiest birthday ate nins! i'm sure all of here at STRAP wish you more blessings and we hope we could experience your presence so we could let you feel how it is to belong. love you! love you all transpinays!

to miss cameron, i love your inquiry! haha. gossip makes our little lives a bit more intriguing. here's what i know. hayden has been vicki belo's boyfriend for a few years now, they claim to be in love but well, he is about her daughter's age, and she is about his mother's. the daughter is against the relationship too. before all this scandal and senate inquiries and sex videos, vicki broke up with hayden after discovering the affair with katrina halili. hayden even commited suicide to try and win her back. however, as a doctor who is close to both belo and hayden said, jayden is a doctor, he would know how to kill himslef if he truly wished to do so. there, just a few things that would give you an idea. lol.

and why all the fuss about him creating his sex videos anyway? these psychologists are quick to pronounce him a pervert or crazy even. i know it's some sort of perversion and he might not be all ok in the head, but for me, it's sort of a man thing, he wanted to have proof of his conquests, however perverted they are. but we are talking about women here, which is supposed to be the normal behavior, right? it's not as if he had sex with corpses, animals or children. i remember this psychologist saying, what he has is sexual voyeaurism, which in her words is like being turned on with something not considered normal. by using that definition, gay people would be sexual voyeurs, then, for they like and are turned on with the same sex, which is not normal for those ignorant people. i just feel this is being too hyped about. i'm not saying we should pity hayden, but hey, this is starting to feel annoying. maybe revilla is just using this media circus as a ploy for higher office. just a thought, i'm sure i'm wrong.

p.s. if you have the time please read my blog and tell me what you think:

*~obviously, as i have indicated on the title, this is a repost. this was my reply to some comments on the yahoogroup. miss cameron also asked about the scandal that is terrorizing the country as of the moment. and i can't believe i'm also commenting on it! hah! well, i'm so GG, which means gaya-gaya.

and wow! i have a follower! nice to meet you aiyah! thanks for taking the time to read. peace

Saturday, May 30, 2009

the experience and my family

being stuck babysitting does have its benefits. what, you may ask? aside from the bond that is created between my infant nephew and me, i have the time to write. har har.

anyways, i decided to write about some funny memories and moments i have with my family with regards to 'the experience'. (i am coining 'the experience' as a cool term to describe bein transgendered. hah!) i'll be collecting these moments when my family talks about the experience. hope you find them enjoyable.

just today, earlier:

my ate: so ano, mas gusto mo ba itawag sayo 'tita gia' instead of 'tito digs'?

my answer: (amused) it doesn't matter.

*~well, i know my transpinay sisters would disagree. it does matter to have my family recognize my condition and the experience. but hear me out. i know and believe that even if my whole family accept that i am truly a woman, there will always be a part in their mind that i am their son, brother, and tito. i have accepted that. i don't know. what's important is i know they love me, whether i am different or not.

a few days ago, my ate made kwento about a coworker she had...

my ate: meron nga sa office, trans...

moi: trans?...

my ate: trans... transvestite. pero girl na sya.

moi: so SHE's a transsexual, not a transvestite.

my ate: huh? what's the difference?

moi: a transvestite is a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing which maybe for personal satisfaction or sexual gratification. a transsexual is a person who identifies as the opposite of the sex that was assigned to him/her at birth.

my ate: e ano transgendered?

moi: it's the umbrella term. i know i am trangendered and a transsexual, pero not all people can be transsexual and transgendered at the same time. parang transgendered is the experience.

my ate: e ano naman ang tranny?

moi: for me, it's a derogatory word, it's like the word negro, if you use it when referring to blacks, they might get insulted, ganun din with trans, it's like, we can use it within ourselves but if you call us that medyo nakakaoffend...

my ate: i don't get it.

moi: yeah, like the filipino population.

*~i know i'm a bit shaky on the terminologies but i hope i did the experience justice. and i know my ate got it. she keeps on askin me about the experience, mind you.

about a few years ago, my then 8 year old nephew asked me...

my pamangkin: tito, girl ka ba o boy?

moi: (shocked and amused) ah... shempre kaya mo nga ako tinatawag na tito e...

my pamangkin: ah...

*~ i know my nephew had more questions and i just answered so that i can deflect it. haha, i know i should have answered him then and there, but hey, this is my nephew, the child of my ate, who know what she will do to me for introducing such concepts to him. besides, it doesn't matter to me what they call me, as long as in my heart, i love them and they love me. but eventually, i might need to change their perception. but not now, not now... yet.

this was so many years ago, there was an episode of some local show that featured a post op transsexual:

my mom: anak o, tignan mo sya(referring to the trans character) lalaki sya dati!

moi: (thinking why does she tell me this) ah ok...

my mom: ang galing noh?

*~i love my mommy. even if she really can't accept the fact that i wear panties and bras, she still washes and puts them in my cabinet.

and one last, but there will be lots to follow... my other ate called us up to update us on her baby's condition. i tactlessly told her it was her fault her baby has that condition, she being a match to her husband's carrier gene, thus producing the outcome in their child...

my other ate: edi ibig sabihin fault din ni ma kung bakit ka ganyan?

my ate: (laughing)

moi: hindi, di ba sabi mo it's a choice? sa letter mo sabi mo choice ko kung bakit ako ganito.

*~my stand is that everything is biological, chemical that is. we are the way we are because of the chemical composition in our bodies. but i'm not saying i am like this becuase of my parents.

oh well. i'll collect more of these conversations so i can post them here. cheerio!

bathroom issue

what the hell is wrong with girls like us using comfort rooms that are and should be for us? i really can't think why some women are insecure and think we don't belong in that facility.

in a related incident, i was given a verbal warning by the HR of my company, they said someone reported that i had been using the female restroom. our dialogue went something like this:

HR: we have received a report that you have been using the female restroom... we know this is a delicate issue to discuss but we hope you understand (company's name)'s position in this matter.

ME: yes, i am aware of what you are saying, however, i also hope YOU understand my condition. i am transgendered and is transitioning. even though my papers indicate that i am MALE, that does not constitute my being female or not. i am living as a woman, that is why i use the comfort room for women. and even if my papers say male, it can still be otherwise, given my condition and situation. if you ask me to prove to you that i am female that would be against some rights at some level.

HR: yes, we know about your condition, however, technically speaking, we still have to follow company policies.

ME: i know it's a norm that if you are born male, you have to use the male restroom and if you are born female, the female restroom, but referring to policies, i just read here in the contract, and there is nothing saying that it is not allowed. i also don't know of any regulations forbidding such.

HR: just to be on the safe side, we are requesting you to use the male restroom.

ME: i thank you for the suggestion, but my using the male restroom defeats the whole purpose of my transition and my expression that i am a woman. i would prefer NOT to use any restrooms whatsoever.

HR: but of course we consider your health and we understand that you need to relieve yourself from time to time...

ME: then i would go out of the office and find a public restroom.

HR: but that would be inconvenient on your part.

ME: using the male restroom is inconvenient for me. i know it is inconvenient for male users as well, and personally, i don't feel comfortable using the male restroom because i might get affronted.

HR: we understand that, as for the users, we can let it be known that you are still considered as male

ME: excuse me? i prefer that you do not. i just told you that i am in the process of transitioning, and that means i am working on changing my gender and sex on my papers.

HR: if you can provide any proof or documentations saying such, we may consider on giving you special privileges.

ME: then we'll have to see. i again thank you for the suggestion and concern for my health, but again i would be stressing that i will not use the male restroom.

what gets me is that i make it a point that when i use the female restroom, no one is inside and no one sees me. if there is someone in one of the stalls, i quickly get inside and wait for her to finish and get out after her. i feel someone other than other agents, female agents to be exact reported me.

i have been a victim of harassment from a guard in the building. the first incident was when i was about to enter the production floor, he scanned me using the scanner and then asked me what i was holding in my hand (i was trying to get my phone inside, it was hidden inside my pashmina shawl) but what was shocking was he referred to me as 'SIR'! i asked him to repeat his question and he did and i told him that i was not a 'sir' and that i was a 'ma'am' and i was holding tissue and my shawl. he then asked loud enough for the other people to hear, 'ma'am ka?' i shouted yes and stormed off. my supervisor was kind enough to reprimand the guard because i felt discriminated and harassed.

i thought he would learn his lesson but another time when i just got to the office, he inspected my bag and before he did so he asked me, 'pacheck ng bag, sir.' so i asked him, AGAIN, 'ano po yun?', to which he answered, 'pacheck ng bag.'

i swear, the third time he harasses and discriminates me and insults me, i will report him and bring it to whoever so he will be removed from our floor. i also feel it was him that reported me because before i was given the verbal warning, he saw me get out of the female restroom.

this is my dilemma now: it seems the hr is not sensitive to my situation, we also don't have an hr director as of the moment. my supervisor, who is very open-minded and supportive, gave me options: one, use the restroom at the first flloor, i just have to tell him so i can get a five minute break; two, use the female restroom and if someone reports me again, he will help me with the consequence. he also offered to talk with the site manager about it, however, since we have a chain of command, we have to go through with the operations manager, and that person is not that reliable. he said as well if i can provide any documentation saying why i need to use the female restroom or anything about my condition, he will back me up.

so, transpinays, some may think this is just a small insignificant thing, but as we discussed time and again, why not start small, right? i now need your help. please give me suggestions on what i can do so i can get my issue with the restroom resolved. as for the guard, i am waiting for one more incident just to give him the benefit of the doubt, but one more slip and i will report him.

waiting and hoping,

*~this was my post in our yahoogroup. i unfortunately experienced discrimination from ignorant people in my office. i have talked about this with pau and dee about this and i am prepared to fight, however, recent domestic changes forced me to put this on hold. once i get back, or if i get back, i'll forward this to the appropriate people so that my voice can be heard and that girls that will follow my footsteps will not be afraid to stand up. stand up!


“Words,” as George Bernard Shaw said, “are only postage stamps delivering the object for you to unwrap.” There are words that lead us to better understand a concept, a phenomenon, an experience, a person. Some promote either clarity or confusion. Others have offensive connotations; their negligent use unwittingly supports disrespect or disregard of someone’s deep-seated truths…

The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) is standing up not with pride but with courage to name an identity for ourselves. An identity that closely, if not fully and ultimately, describes the unique expression of human diversity our lives embody. An identity that rings politeness. An identity that would initiate an enlightening public conversation and awareness about our realities. An identity that we hope can forge a sense of community among Filipinas who were assigned as male at birth. An identity with dignity. This identity is TRANSPINAY.

A combination of the words transsexual and Pinay, TRANSPINAY means a female human being of Philippine descent who was given a male sex assignment at birth. This was proposed during one of our support group meetings and was voted upon by our membership. Other proposed terms were transbabae and transfilipina.

As compared to local terms such as bakla and bayot, transpinay doesn’t include homosexual males. Transpinay isn’t about sexual orientation nor preference. A transpinay can be sexually/romantically attracted to other females (in that she is a lesbian), to males (in that she is straight), to both males and females (in that she is a bisexual), or to none at all (in that she is asexual).

As compared to the nascent term ladyboy, transpinay doesn’t maliciously or unwittingly call a girl/woman of transsexual experience a “boy/man”. Calling a transpinay a ladyboy is no different from simply calling her a “boy/man”, an offensive act.

A transpinay is not a homosexual/gay man nor a boy/man who is ladylike. A transpinay is not a crossdresser - she is not a boy/man who just likes to dress. A transpinay is not a variation of male but a variation of female. A transpinay may be pre-op (have not yet have sex reassignment surgery but desires to undergo it), post-op (have already had sex reassignment surgery), or non-op (does not desire to have sex reassignment surgery). All the same, no matter what their genital surgery status is, they are all females. A transpinay is not a boy/man wanting to be a “real” girl/woman - she is already one.

We acknowledge that TRANSPINAY, just like any other word, cannot adequately stand-in for what we actually are. Nonetheless, TRANSPINAY symbolizes our right to define our gender identity: A movement to reclaim that right from other cultural forces.

Our deepest gratitude,
The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP)

*~obviously, this is a repost. i felt this blog should have this, its owner being a part of what sass aptly describes as the experience. i am a transpinay and proud of it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

to have srs or not

while waiting for my brother-in-law to buy toyo, or soy sauce for you elitists, i thought i'll just write something. and here it is.

incidentally, i just discovered i CAN cook adobo. yipee! accidentally at least. haha.

and so, the recent STRAP sgm was held in puerto galera. i, since i had to fly here to singapore and be my ate's unpaid DH, missed the summer getaway. fortunately, dee and pau posted their pics and boy was i ENVIOUS. while i was viewing the pics, my ate glanced upon it and asked if she can see the other STRAP girls. so, without any hesitation, i showed her the pictures on facebook. she had been asking about our advocacy, about the members and whatnot. whatnot is my word for the day. har har. anyways, going back to my ate, she honestly thought the five girls (dee,rica,pau,joy, and of course the lovable sass )looked genuinely beautiful. of course, like the unenlightened masses, she kept on asking who had SRS already, or who had boyfriends or husbands, etc. i answered her with a smile. of course i couldn't just divulge certain information. but i explained that not all members opt for an SRS.

and so, she then asked me, did i have any plans on undergoing SRS. SRS by and by, is sexual reassignment surgery for you unenlightened people. i have explained this lightly to a friend i suspect is a transgendered boy. my friend has asked to have what i will have cut out, to which i told my friend that i will not have it cut out, instead, crudely, it will be turned inside out.

but going back, i told my ate, as of right now, SRS is not in my plans but i am open to it. for me, it's more when you're in a relationship and your partner should require it. though there are times i wished i had the apparatus, i, knowing i would go on one night stands and all, haha. but that's me. i think i'm perfectly happy with how i am, though i will have my tracheal shave and perhaps implants here and there but that' in the future. as my friend says, i will never have 300 kiyaw. but who knows? i might, some day.

i might have SRS, or not. that depends. i'll cross the bridge when i get there.

my brother-in-law still hasn't arrived. tsk.


wow! i've totally forgotten about this blog. i'm just lazy. and i haven't gotten any ideas on what to write about. can i use this as a personal blog instead? i will still tackle trans-related issues, being a tg myself. anyhoo, i guess with all the time on my hands, i will be able to write about anything under the sun.

kudos to bb gandanghari for standing up! we finally have a filipino tg celebrity. hurrah hurrah!

and thanks so much to sass for including me on the transpinay rising vid. for your enlightenment, check the link below:

be seeing yah later!