what might have been, what could have been

i can't stop writing about it. i just closed down my facebook account, so i couldn't express my current mood and thought of the moment. so here i am.

i was just asking myself, why am i punishing and torturing myself by looking at his pictures, his pictures that i foolishly asked a friend to get from his account, seeing that i am so cowardly that i won't add him up.

i don't even know why i am deluding myself into hoping he might have feelings for me. never expect. he's straight. but i'm a girl. but we know he'll never like us for us. why am i hoping that after all these years, he would have forgiven me for what ever i had done, he would be still thinking about me.

maybe i'm just fooling myself. i mean, obviously, he would have a girlfriend. or i could believe that gossip that he's gay. so whichever way, he still won't be into me.

and viva said she'd be deleting dave. if it were only that easy.


i know i have to move on, i just can't.


and i don't want to.